Friday, May 1, 2009

Time and Patience

In honor of Maifest, which is next weekend, I am posting this picture. This is one of my favorites. I was Martha Washington in the Maifest in 1974.

Thank you to all who have been sending me texts or emails regarding my results. I apologize for the delay in getting this out but I was exhausted last night. I have been a little nervous about the results and have not been sleeping well. We did, indeed, get some good news yesterday. My scan results from last week are in and it looks like I am responding to the SGN-35 (a.k.a. the lymphoma wonder drug/chemo). The scans showed a 50-70% remission. We've been down this road before so I'm a little dubious but happy about the results. I am focusing on the positive- I'm not stagnant, it's not spreading and I am responding. As far as my stem cell transplant and finding a match, I am afraid I don't know anymore than I did last week. Like I have mentioned before, this is a very hurry up and wait experience. Since I've been going through treatment, MDA is not anxious to jump start the transplant process. And as far as finding a match, I have an email into my coordinator to find out the status. I have asked for a list of those who have submitted their info and are not a match. HIPPA law (medical privacy) says that they can tell me if you are NOT a match but cannot tell me if you are. Go figure. Thank you to everyone who has gotten tested or wants to get tested. Braeswood is planning on doing another drive and I will be sure to send an update out letting everyone know the date, time and place.

Joel and I did not have our date yesterday. My white cell count was down which seems to be the trend on this particular day of my chemo cycle- this also explains some of my exhaustion. My party gift yesterday was a shot of nueprogen- a white cell booster shot. I was poked with a needle 3 TIMES!!!! yesterday. For those of you who don't know- I HATE NEEDLES!!!! My regular onc has forwarded my results to my transplant onc and they will decide a timeline on when I will be going for my extended stay at the MDA spa. My gut feeling is that they will have me do at least one more round of this chemo and then go forward with the transplant which would most likely put me in the July time frame.

I had a minor break down a couple weeks ago. I am humble enough to admit that I am known to have a flair for the dramatic. I asked myself "why is this so hard for me? why, if I got the easy cancer to have, can't I shake this darn thing?" And as always, it got me thinking about things. The things I cherish the most are things that I've had to either wait a long time for or work hard for. Here are some of my examples:
1. Doug and I dated for five years before we got married. I dated him longer than it took me to get through high school or college. I tease him that he used up all my patience making me wait for my ring but the truth is, he was totally worth the wait.
2. My college degree. I have openly said that I went to college totally for the social aspect. The academic side was a little more challenging for me. Could I have worked harder and made better grades? Absolutely. But for those of you who went to good old BU with me, you can agree that having fun was something you had to work at in Waco! And boy did the work pay off!
3. My children. Abbey was eight days late from my due date. I told the doctor I was going to smoke that child out of me if she didn't hurry up and send me into labor. And when they put that precious baby in my arms, I realized she was totally worth the wait. And so were each of her sisters.
4. My friends. Friendship is like a flower. Both need nurturing and attention. This experience has taught me that I have been blessed with the greatest friends on the planet and each one is worth the time and energy it takes to have that friendship. I only hope that I have been such a good friend to you.
5. My home. For any of you who are thinking about building a house but never have, let this be a heads up for you. It can be a very grueling and frustrating process. Especially when you have an engineer (Doug) and a liberal arts major (me) working together. But in the end, it is totally worth it. I love my home because it is more than a house. It is the safe place we have "built" both literally and metaphorically for our children. It is filled with beautiful things like pictures of the girls, family traditions, laughter and love. 4142 Bellefontaine (sounds pretty swanky, doesn't it) is one of my favorite places to be.
6. My health. Yes, some days I feel like I've gone through hell and back. I've lost my hair. I've gotten puffy, nauseous, tired and scared. I have been poked with a needle more times than I can keep track. But that is just a small price to pay to watch my children grow up.

My mother used to tell me "good things come to those who wait". As an adult going through treatment, those words could not be more true.

I love reading your comments. Keep them coming!
God bless you all!


  1. Miss Tracye, this is the most incredible post. You've got me tearing up again, with your good humor and huge heart. I am so happy that recent scan results are good, but I will not stop praying until you've been in full remission for a decade, and maybe I won't even stop then. I love your photo today, too--that's our girl!

    Thank you for being my friend, Tracye. I am so blessed.

    Love you,

  2. Love you girlfriend! Keep your chin up and when you can't prop it up with something. You're doing're in my prayers. Maike.