Wednesday, September 23, 2009

putting up the fight

Ok, everyone. This is my first feeble attempt to blog since ICU. I apologize for not having one of my groovy retro pictures but I've make several attempts and technical difficulties are preventing me. I have one hand that is so swollen it looks like Popeye's hand and the other is so bruised from lack of palettes that it looks like Mike Tyson and I went head to head. Please overlook any blaring typos. First of all, thank you so much for the prayers, meals, carpools, thoughts, cards, and calls during this difficult time for us. Once again, it just proves how important community is to everyone.

Onward with the blog. My mother's hometown is centered around a beautiful lake in northeast Louisiana. When I was fourteen, my cousins and Aunt Tricia (love you guys!)taught me how to water ski. I probably drank half the lake, and needed a typhoid shot in the end. But I was NOT giving up. And I did learn to ski. I'm not the type of person who gives up easily. Maybe it was all that speech and debate from high school and college. I am a fighter. But in the past two weeks, I've learned there are times when you have to turn it over to HIM.

I don't remember much going into ICU. I'm giving that up to God.
How could this happen to me? I passed every preliminary test with flying colors? Only HE can answer that. If you didn't believe in the power of prayer before, I am living proof that it works. Yes, I had great doctors with God given knowledge. But I am convinced that it was God who held me in his hand and brought me back.

My fight is not over. We know the stem cells have engraphed. That is really good news. We won't know if the cancer is completely gone and what my new blood type will be for a couple months. However, I have a feeling that the Italian cord is winning because I've been craving red wine and Italian cheese and meats. There is a good chance I'll do radiation which I would happily do after all this. Learning to walk and take care of yourself is a bear (had to use a Baylor reference). For someone who likes to be so independent, this has been a very humbling experience for me. More times than not, I am at the mercy of others. I have a new profound respect for nurses. These women are some of the hardest working women I have ever seen and do it with such compassion and care. We could all learn something from them.

When you are faced with a challenge which we often are- fight. Take a stand and don't back down. But when it comes to things you can't control, turn it over to God. He'll carry your cross when you can't.

I pray for each and every one of you every day. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful quilt of friends and family. If you have ever looked at a well made quilt, it is composed of beautiful but unique pieces of material. Each one of you represents a piece of my quilt. Each one of you beautiful and unique.

God bless you all,